6 People Annie Armstrong Wants To Kiss
As the gossip columnist for Wet Paint, Annie flips the switch and spills the tea on herself.
6 People I Want To Kiss is a monthly column where someone lists the six people they want to kiss.
Annie Armstrong, the writer behind Art Net’s gossip column, Wet Paint, most often spills the secrets of the art world. Now, we’re flipping the script by sharing her secrets — her secret kiss list, that is. Below, here are the six people New York’s art world it-girl would like to kiss.
1. Johnny Knoxville
I debated for a while what direction to take with this list. I went witty, I went pedantic, I went self-effacing. Then I remembered the smart thing Gutes told me about the Bachelor List we co-wrote earlier this year: its fun and transgressive to objectify men. So this is my earnest list, and I’ve been in love with Johnny Knoxville my whole life. My taste has always been contingent on a certain fox-in-the-henhouse quality and no one embodies that more than Johnny Knoxville. One of my favorite possessions is a t-shirt of Johnny Knoxville’s OG stunt where he shoots himself with a bulletproof vest on for Big Brother magazine, but the shirt is designed to look like Chris Burden promo merch for his 1971 piece Shoot where he also shoots himself. My friend Ben gave it to me. Thanks, Ben!
2. Malcom MacDowell
To further explain that fox-in-the-henhouse expression I just used, look no further than young Malcolm MacDowell. No matter what, he always looks like he’s up to no good, and maybe if you’re tall enough to ride, he’ll let you in on what wicked thoughts are bumping around in that freaky mind of his. Can you imagine someone who looks like he did in “A Clockwork Orange” whispering something evil to you in a low-lit bar?
3. Karl Glusman
I don’t really have much to say here, I just think he’s perfect-looking.
4. Earl Cave
My favorite tenure on the billboard cluster along Houston in NoLIta was his recent Celine campaign. When I passed by it, I blew him a kiss in my mind.
5. Sacha Baron Cohen
A prime merry prankster for my stable. I miss seeing him on red carpets, he cleans up real good.
6. Anthony Bourdain
I mean, duh. They just don’t make men like him anymore. The best and most meaningful compliment I’ve ever received was from a very pretty girl who said that out of any of her friends, she thinks Anthony Bourdain would fuck me first. It was obviously pure flattery and conjecture, but I do think about that when I am sad.