The Dyke Days Of Summer

The Female Gays is a monthly column about the culture of queer women, including but not limited to horny doritos ads, Jojo's Siwa's Disney trauma, Tiffany "New York" Pollard's queer TV show, the most recent straight actresses to play gay, lesbian Super Mario characters, and Cate Blanchett.

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In a relentlessly misogynistic, homophobic world, queer women navigate an abundance of horrors on a daily basis, 365 days a year. But, fortunately, some of our problems are seasonal. Like pollen allergies and figuring out how to still look gay when you can’t wear flannel, combat boots, or 900 rings on one hand (heat = swelling!). Summer has always been a particularly challenging season for sapphic style. You can’t wear leather or layers or black. Have you ever dragged a Doc through sand? And you’re definitely going to run into your ex, so you have to look good—despite your river of boob sweat and throbbing sausage fingers.

If you look at The Hottest Lesbian Outfits for 2023 (a definitive list by which all us lesbians obviously live and die), it’s nothing but blazers, long pants, work boots, beanies, SWEATERS—and this was published in May! It’s actually difficult for us queers to envision a world in which we don’t dress like fun, slutty lumberjacks. I know what you’re thinking, “Sarah, you’re beautiful but it’s reductive to assume all lesbians dress one way.” And you’re right, I’m stunning, and queer women can dress however they want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle to find summer styles that scream gay—outside of Target’s limited-edition “Live, Laugh, Lesbian” tee, of course.