I'm Making Peace With Male Pattern Baldness And Becoming A Bald King
Losing hair at a young age may seem like a cruel injustice, but there is hope.
By Kyle Johnson
Published
No Vacancy is a monthly column on often-overlooked aspects of the American life. While roadside hotels and remote estate sales may not be the flashy parts of modern life, they are inextricable from American culture.
If you were to use the internet as a guide for “what to do if you are losing your hair,” you would ultimately conclude that you need to shave your head, go to the gym, and adopt an alpha mindset. Follow these three simple steps, leave behind pesky superficiality, and evolve into the most chad-looking 27-year-old that has ever existed. Meanwhile, companies such as Hims will tell you there is a way to get your hair back with an arsenal of sprays, shampoos, and gummies. So which way is it, balding man?
Bald-induced feelings of despair will have you clinging to clippers, reaching for the Rogaine, or even booking a ticket to Istanbul and getting a cheap hair transplant procedure. But what if you want to avoid shaving your head or paying for remedies that require repeated applications until you croak? Well, there are options! As a fellow balder, let me help you.
First, we must deal with losing our hair on a philosophical level. To transcend the plight of early-onset balding, you must accept that life is indifferent to your thinning crown. So why should you care? Of course, to the individual, it may seem like everyone is clocking your bald spot and aiming to thwart your love life, career, and credit score based on how much hair you have. The reality is, most people do not care; if they do, they should swiftly be cast aside. This philosophy will likely not come easily or with great speed. It needs to be cultivated through self-reflection and, of course, by re-reading this article daily for affirmation. If you walk in the woods, do the trees or birds care if you are balding? No, and neither will your friends or lovers.