Annie Hamilton On Failing
Annie Hamilton has always been honest with other people, but eventually, she had to be honest with herself. In other words: the harder you fail, the better you learn.
By Annie Hamilton
Photos by Marcus Maddox
Published
In collaboration with Urban Outfitters and Dickies, we created a series of stories that feature creative leaders who offer their insight on the “new” work world.
I decided I wanted to become an actress in the closet of my bedroom in the third apartment in two years we’d lived in as a family in early 2009. I held my knees up in that closet, rocking back and forth. “I want to be an actress,” I told myself. “I want to be the most beautiful and famous actress alive,” — I shook more — “And it’ll take me longer than anyone else to do it.” “We’ve always been late bloomers, it took us longer than anyone else to get a first kiss, so all we have to do is hang in there. Hang in there longer than all the quitters, and it’ll turn out okay.”
Almost 15 years later, I no longer think of myself as an actress. I certainly haven’t become the most beautiful and famous actress alive. (I wonder what Emma Stone said to herself 15 years ago in her closet). I think of myself as a performer and writer, primarily as a writer who is good at performing her own words. I like who I am better than who I dreamed up for myself at 17 years old.
From 18 to 28 years old, I ran around Los Angeles, trying to make my 17 year old dreams come true. I had little to no luck. It wasn’t luck; I’m not a very good actress. I’m a good charmer, a good showman, a good writer, but not an actress. I’m not a Chameleon. I don’t transform. I’m always me.